It has been in her life longer than she can remember. Right from the days when she threw fits if her sister didn’t buy her Bobo on their way to school, up until her days at the university.
She didn’t realize when it became a permanent resident in her but she has always sensed it. Fear became so ingrained in Baderonu that she couldn’t do anything without it.
It was a companion far greater than any human. It showed itself in her thoughts, actions, and decisions. It was the Lord of her. Even though Bade knew being scared of almost anything didn’t do her any good, she still had a hard time breaking free. She just couldn’t seem to know how to let go.
Well, fear may have done something good for her on days when it made her escape danger, but it was mainly a struggle to live each day with this companion. Bade loathed her life. “Why couldn’t she just live without fear crippling her” she thought.
But one day, she met Hope. Hope encouraged her. Told her she could bring fear down in all its mighty regalia. She could be great. She could be whatever she wanted.
Now, Bade is starting to come out of her shell and has realized that without letting go of her old-time friend, nothing good will manifest in her life.
Bade on starting her Youtube channel…
F: “Stop whatever you are doing and look around you. Who else is doing what you want to do? It’s new, fresh, you’ve not done it before, it can’t work. See, when people start new things, nobody recognizes them because it’s not what they’re used to. Just sit down and do nothing.”
B: “Well, I’ve planned this thing over in my head a gazillion times. I know it will work. Even though it’s new, I want to share my unique ideas. And I have meticulously gone through every detail.”
F: “Lmao, I hear you, but don’t say I didn’t warn you when nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody, supports you. You don’t even have a huge following, B. You are starting from scratch, a struggling creative. Better find something else to do and don’t waste your time. Watch a K-drama or something, girl!”
B: “Hey, hey, slow down. Even though I’m starting from scratch and this is new, I know I’ll do well. I’ll get my friends and family to support me. They love me, and when I win, I mean when I succeed, they’ll be proud!”
One month later….
F: “Lmao, welcome back. Proud girl, didn’t I tell you nobody would support you? You were so confident. No one knows you; they don’t love you. You can’t win, sis. Not now, not ever.”
B: *Sobs.* “Wow, I should have just listened. Nobody even looks my way. They don’t care about me. Humans are selfish. I just want to stop. I want to do nothing but fold my arms. This is too hard. I don’t want to do it anymore.”
F: “Laughs hysterically. Fool! Didn’t I tell you? You can’t win. You can’t do it. Winning is only reserved for resilient people, people who can persevere despite all odds. But you’re a quitter, so wallow in your tears.”
B: “But you convinced me. You said I couldn’t win, so I listened to you. I stopped. I quit. I realized I couldn’t do it.”
F: “So you listen to anything I tell you? Wait, you listened to me? Way to go, future leader!”
B: “I’ve always listened to you. We’ve been friends forever. I thought friends listened to each other. Well, I think I have to do something. I want to be great. I want to lead an impactful life. I can’t continue like this. One last question: if I put my all into it this time, can I pull it off?”
F: “Well, there’s only one way to find out.”
(Sweet girl Bade at a departmental meeting)
F: “Ehn, what are you trying to do? Is it what I’m thinking? Do you want to talk and disgrace yourself? You sometimes stammer. If it’s a joke, stop it, please.”
B: “But my input is needed. I want to contribute. I want my voice to be heard. Let them know I am here too, feel my presence, you know?”
F: “You know all these people are good speakers. It’s like they have honey on their tongues, and there’s you, who doesn’t talk much. They’ll laugh at you! You never say anything at these meetings, so why talk now?”
B: “Okay, okay, I won’t talk. I’ll keep quiet. I’ve always known I wasn’t good enough. I’ve just been trying to push it. I’ll never be able to talk at this gathering.”
(For the last time, who has something to say? The host looks in B’s direction, expecting her to say something.)
B: “Oh, this guy is looking at me. What will I do now? I’m afraid. No, I can’t do it. I won’t do it. I’m used to this. I can’t possibly say anything sensible. What do I even know?”
F: “Yes! That’s my girl. Don’t do it. Stay hidden. Never come out of your shell. It’s over. You can’t speak in public; that’s not for you. You’re not a person who speaks up even if someone wrongs you. So what makes you think you can say anything now? You will not overcome; just sit down.
B: *Clears throat.* “Ahem, Mr. Laide, I have a contribution.”
Everyone stares in shock.
(Bade at home, in front of the mirror)…
B: “Omg, I look so pretty today. Wow, I didn’t know I could look this good.”
F: “Ode, keep playing. Don’t you see that scar on your forehead? You think you’re fine? That blemish is yours forever.”
B: “Wow, I wish I could just leave my face at home. I’ll just sit in a corner at school, like I’ve always done.”
F: “Now you’re talking. Very good!”
(At school)….
B: “I think this guy has been staring at me all morning, It’s like he finds me attractive sha”
F: Ah you keh, better don’t mind him. When he sees your blemish, he will run away.”
B: “You’re right. I’ll just hide my face, I can’t be the one he’s looking at sef”
F:” Normal. Stay there. You’ve always run away from men who like you, so this one shouldn’t be different. You can’t find love; you won’t love. Single for life!”
(After 30 minutes of hiding, Bade decides to take the bold step)
B: “Yes Ola. I’m ready to meet you at that restaurant at S.U.B.”
Baderonu has not completely overcome fear. She has resolved to do IT even though her friend has not been completely silenced. She will do it even with the fear in her.
Maybe if she takes baby steps daily, her old-time friend might eventually vanish?
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